When there are no right words…

Two Mondays ago, I stood beside my best friend and held her hand as she said her goodbye to her mama. And I still can’t find the right words.

Maybe there are no right words. In the midst of all the thoughts that rush through your mind, maybe there’s a sweet stillness in the silence where you long to feel the presence and peace of God. The one that he promised we would feel in times like these. And sometimes the most comforting thing you can do is sit in that silence with a friend.

Over and over, I keep reminding myself that Mama Lonnie isn’t in pain anymore… that she is finally resting with our Father, her Creator. Her body is renewed and restored. But even so, it doesn’t ease the pain of watching those you love so heartbroken.

When my dad passed last year. I remember writing out a list of people who had endured the loss of a parent. I kept telling myself that if God sustained them and helped them through their grieving, then He would do the same for me. And I still hold on to that.

A random visit with Mama Lonnie 💜

#letterstoGrey

Renovation Revelation

I was going to wait until the North Park Pool renovation was complete to really post about it. Then our pastor reminded us on Sunday that God wants us to celebrate the journey, not just the destination. So here we are. I know I post a lot about my job (because I love it and I want the world to know that great things are happening at our community center 😌), but I also think it’s important to share how we can see God in everything in our everyday lives. So here are some of the things that the North Park Pool renovation is teaching me about life:

1. Sacrifice. Of course with any building project, you’re going to go through a not-so-pretty phase. You lose parking, it’s loud, and some days it’s downright ugly. For this project, we had to temporarily sacrifice one of my favorite things about our campus-the community garden. If you’ve been connected to me (in real life or online) since last summer, you’ve heard/seen all the beauty that our community garden brought last year. Not only did we harvest delicious veggies with community volunteers, we got to introduce youth to gardening and fed the community fresh produce at no cost to them. I admit that I was hesitant to learn that I’d inherited the responsibility of this garden with my role as director (I was no gardener 🙅🏾‍♀️), but I surprisingly learned the value of planting and nourishing something to grow (other than a human). It was very therapeutic for me, and I will miss that garden until we relocate it to another part of our campus. I once heard someone say that sacrifice means “giving up something you love for something you love more”. And that thought brings me ease- knowing that this temporary sacrifice will bring years of swimming lessons, summer fun, family bonding, and honor to North Park’s history. (For reference: North Park was the designated park for Black folks before integration.)

2. Folks will always have something to say. People come by the center often and ask questions about the pool. What are they doing out there? Are they taking the pool away?! OR it’s about time they upgraded! Either way, they have something to say. And that’s fine. We are all entitled to our opinion. But in the pursuit of redefining yourself, just know that people will always have something to say- good and bad. And that’s OK.

3. It will be worth it- Sometimes I just gaze at the current view (mid-construction) of the pool and then the drawings of the final renovated (glorious) pool. It’s going to be so beautiful, so colorful, bigger, and it will still honor the past… everything that this pool means to the community. And knowing the final outcome makes it all so worth it.

4. No days off- I’ve come into work some days just knowing that the crew will be taking off because of the weather. Nope! They’re still out there in the cold, rain, on holidays, etc. And on the days when they can’t do any “ground work” because of the weather, the site manager will be walking the grounds, studying the blueprints or working with electricians and such to plan. The work never stops! And it reminds me that we, too, have to be relentless in the pursuit of our goals. No days off! (Except to rest. Rest is important because you can’t pour from an empty cup).

5. Beautiful things take time. I think that point is self explanatory… but let me add that things can change. Real quick! And some changes are more gradual. The pool demolition, for example, took a couple of weeks. But one day, I came to work and there were cut outs for windows in the bath house! Be patient with the journey, knowing that some things take time and others can happen suddenly. It’s all a part of the plan.

6. Relationship matters. It takes a lot of people to make big projects happen- the architects, department heads, engineers, maintenance, finance, etc. Your life is no different. We are relational creatures- we were created to need others and do life together. So let other people in. We’re one Body and each part of the Body has its function.

7. You belong. Some phases of the renovation of North Park began long before I got here. And when I attended my first pool renovation meetings, I was nervous to speak up because I felt like I didn’t have much input to offer. (I’m often the youngest person in the room during meetings). But when people in leadership, like our great City Manager, insists on my input during these conversations, it affirms and encourages me. It reminds me that I am here for such a time as this. I know I won’t do things the same way that previous directors have done (shout-out to Mayco Bigelow himself and William Gattis) nor am I the aquatic director, BUT my place here matters. My voice matters. And I will do everything I can to ensure success of our initiatives here because we are community and I’m on a Kingdom assignment.

I’m always snapping pictures of the renovation crew, and today I got to join them as they pour the concrete pool floor. 🤗😍😩 I hope you find some time today to celebrate your journey and every victory. Even the small ones. ☝🏾 #letterstoGrey

Elizabeth Grey, The Kindergarten Queen.

Tuesday was a happy day around here. You started Kindergarten!

 

I won’t get too deep, but I do want to note three things that I am taking away from this week:

Preparation is key.

Aside from the typical school supplies and paperwork, kindergarten is a milestone for the entire family that takes preparation. Before the summer began, I was sure to mention how things would change before the changes actually occurred. I didn’t want you to be caught off guard. We talked about new school routes, rode by your new school often, chose new decor for your room …that you would be sleeping in. by yourself. in your own bed. (We are still working on that part.) 🙃 We shopped for clothes and shoes (shoutout to your godparents). We even began picking out your clothes the night before. This one is one of your favorite parts about our new normal. Your other favorite part is that you get to ride a van to after school.

 

Parents must parent.

I think it’s important to note the intricacies of co-parenting under two roofs here. It is challenging! I do my best to remain civil with your dad, even when we don’t agree (which is a lot). But I can honestly say that it was so special that he was present for your first day of school. He made it a priority to show up and help celebrate you on your special day. We all even rode in the car and walked you into class together. Trust me, this is a big deal! And it just reminds me, that even in the midst of all of the complicated realities of co-parenting, it all comes down to making sure that YOU know you are loved. I love the bond that you have with each of us and pray that those bonds continue to strengthen throughout your life.

 

Transitions take time.

I was mentally prepared to change our daily routines once school started. I was physically prepared to set up your “new” big girl room. I was even spiritually prepared to lean on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance. But I admit- I was NOT totally emotionally prepared for this.

The excitement of new chapters can occur simultaneously with anxiety of the unknown. When you refused to smile for photos or kiss me as I was leaving on your first day… or when you had meltdowns every evening this first week (hello, earlier mornings and no more mid-day naps!) 😩… or when you insisted that you would walk yourself to class on just the second day of school… and lastly, when your total disposition shifts everyday as the safety patrol opens the car door for you to walk to class by yourself. I see your nerves rise up and I want to protect you… and hold your hand. But at the same time, I know that these are growth moments for you. I was reminded by my best friends that the confidence you’re showing is evidence that I’m doing what I’m suppose to do as your mother… giving you roots and wings. Yes, that’s it!

 

I have no doubt that you will excel academically because you are already so intelligent, observant and have a love for reading and math. My greatest hope for you this year is that you grow in the areas of kindness, responsibility and identity. Thank God we have village (family, friends, church family, and educators) to help us on this journey.

 

I love you, Babycakes, and I am so proud of you. Let’s show kindergarten what we came to do! (oh, that rhymed!) 😌 haha

Love,

Your Mommy

Bobby Ruffin

My dad died on Sunday, and I’ve experienced a very interesting range of emotions over the course of this week. I didn’t know my dad well, and he didn’t know me. Because of this fact, I have gone back and forth in my head with the thought that I don’t even have reason or permission to grieve. And as I thought more and more about the impact that being estranged from my biological father has had on my life, I realized that it has taught me a few lessons.

 

#1: Everyone does what they think is right

Last year, around the time I was about to release my song “HFD”, I had some real conversations with my dad about parenting. To me, it’s been difficult to call him “father” because I felt that he hadn’t fathered me at all. I explained that to him. I explained to him that’s it’s really hard to build a relationship with someone (or their relatives) after learning how to live without them for over 20 years… and I think it’s safe to say that neither one of us could figure out how to navigate that space. He explained to me that he felt he had “done right by me” by paying [some] child support until I was in college. This was frustrating to me because I know, now more than ever, that true child support is so much more than money.

Though I still disagreed with him, it was after this conversation that I came to this realization: everyone does what they think is right. And it doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person when their “right” doesn’t match yours. And it was in that moment that I was able to enter a deeper dimension of forgiveness for my dad.

I used to be torn about how my relatives on my dad’s side of the family would perceive me if I didn’t do “what was right” by cultivating a deeper relationship with my him. But I’m learning to let go of that. It’s not about other people. It’s about you and God. I’ve also learned that forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Seek God, and do what brings you peace.

 

#2: You may have to forgive people who feel they haven’t done anything wrong.

Self explanatory.

Forgiving people who hurt you may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. You may think “they don’t deserve forgiveness”. But who does?!! Do the work to forgive it anyway. When it gets challenging for me, I always remember the forgiveness that God shows to me every single day. It makes the tasks a little less daunting and reminds me of the necessity to do so. Remember: Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s for you. Forgive others. Forgive yourself. Move on with your life.

 

#3: You can’t change the past, but the past can change you.

Being able to acknowledge your past without living in it takes true maturity. I think my dad knew this. I think perhaps the reason he never brought up the past was because he knew there was nothing he could do to change it. And I’m not talking about airing dirty laundry here; I’m talking about mending broken relationships.

My parents divorced when I was about seven years old. I don’t have many memories with my dad, and as a now single parent, I understand the complexities of this reality more and more. I’m not saying it’s right, but I do understand it. In an attempt to avoid perpetuating the same cycle, I try very hard [with a lot of help from the Holy Spirit] to maintain peace with your dad. Every child deserves to have a relationship with their parent. Especially you, my dear. I had to learn this.

Though I didn’t have a close relationship with my dad, and we rarely talked about the past, I can see that the past changed him. My dad remarried, and he became a devoted husband and father to my younger brother. And in a moment when I was consoling my brother after this loss, I was genuinely thankful that he’d had the opportunity to experience my dad’s growth as a father.

 

#4 Never stop singing. 

The final thing (for today’s letter) that I learned from my dad was to never stop singing.

My dad was known by everyone for a few things- his handyman capabilities, his jokes, his love for fishing, and his singing. He even used to be in a band. From what I hear, they were pretty good too! He experienced a lot of health issues over the years, but one thing that remained constant was singing. He had one of those old school quartet voices. The last thing he did before leaving this Earth was sing in the church choir… “It’s in my heart to serve the Lord”. And now, he’s singing with the angels.

 

As my aunt (dad’s sister) told me, “Death is never convenient.” It’s sad and it hurts, but you must move forward. I won’t apologize for my truth as it pertains to my dad. Instead, I choose to learn from it. I choose peace.

Rest In Peace, Bobby Gene Ruffin. 💜

#letterstoGrey

 

Summer Lovin’

Whoa! Where did summer go?!

When I realized that we were about to transition into a new season, I begin to wonder if you’d had a good summer. I know we’ve had a busy schedule, but had it been good? So I thought about all the great things we got to do together over the past couple of months. We’ve had some really special moments, love! Here are the highlights:

Pinky Promise Conference

I’ve wanted to attend the Pinky Promise Conference for the past couple of years, but I never made it a priority. That changed this year. This conference was founded by a ministry I follow online, Heather Lindsey. She and her husband, Cornelius Lindsey, pastor a church called the Gathering Oasis in Atlanta, GA. The Pinky Promise organization is for women who want to honor God with their bodies and their lives in general.

Welcome sign at #PPConf18

You and Idalis hanging out in front of the childcare entrance

I feel like going to the pool was all you cared about in real life. haha You were so excited to hold your breath under water!

My original plan was to let you stay with Grandma for a few days while I went, but I changed my mind and decided to bring you with me. Your cousin, Idalis, also came along with us! There was so much to love about Pinky Promise Conference. First, it was God-centered and family friendly. They actually offer childcare for conference participants! There were even sessions specifically for singles and single parents.

The second thing I loved was the atmosphere. There were so many beautiful women of all ethnicities who love God and love one another. It’s a true sisterhood. I went to all the session alone, but I was not lonely. I felt surrounded by sisters the entire time. I can’t verbalize how amazing it was to sit in a ballroom with hundreds of other women at 7am, listening to worship music, and having quiet time with the Lord. Or jumping around praising God during a flat-out worship concert until midnight (don’t worry, you were in bed already and Idalis was babysitting haha). Or hearing powerhouses like Sarah Jakes Roberts speak to your whole entire life during her sermon. The Holy Spirit was in that place!

While in Atlanta, we also got to do some fun things around the hotel and around the city!

Georgia Aquarium

Georgia Aquarium

Georgia Aquarium

Family Fun!

Speaking of family, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention all the family fun we had right here in North Carolina. As you know, our family typically celebrates every birthday… and I’m not mad about it!

 

Your god sister, Zoie, was dedicated! Here you are with her and your godfather, “Uncle Mike”. 

Oh, but we did go to Florida as well. Since we have family there, we typically go 1-2 times per year. I think your favorite moments of this trip were drinking hot cocoa (in summer… smh) at my favorite brunch spot called “Keke’s”, going to the “biggest McDonald’s ever” (it had two floors, a game room, and a make-to-order waffle bar) and hanging out with your cousins.

You also have a sister during the summer. Judah! Ok, Judah is actually your first cousin, but she lives with us during the summers, which is awesome! She does fun things with you that I don’t too particularly care to do (read: make slime). Judah is also a great helper and super funny! Even though there is a difference in age (Judah is 12), I love that you two will have a close relationship as you both grow up.

Field Trips

During our weekends when we were traveling, I tried to be spontaneous and try some things we hadn’t done together. I think that went pretty well!

 

Post tour at the conservatory

Tigers!

Lions!

Grey the Explorer

Binturong (aka bearcat)

Of course, you thought the “lion poop” was the funniest part…

 

 

You and Ky at Rockin’ Jump Greensboro

You were so brave!

Mommy Daughter Date at the movies! 

We recorded a song this year with Treble & Bass Camp- “Freedom”

North Park

I saved this one for last because, to me, it is the most meaningful. Summer as a City of Burlington employee are crazy busy (in a good way). I may be a little biased, but North Park is one of the best recreational facilities I’ve ever experienced. It has so much to offer: community center (gym, dance studio, game room), library, pool, farmers’ market area, outdoor exercise equipment, playgrounds, ball fields, picnic shelters… and that doesn’t even include the programming. That’s just the facility itself!

The family really showed up for you at your first dance recital- your parents, godparents, grandparent, aunts, cousins, etc. It’s so special to be surrounded by people who love you.

I.A.M.M. Dance 5 and under cohort (Spring/Summer Session) 🙂

 

This was taken after the dance concert at K&W. You insisted on holding Zoie’s feet this way. 

 

At the end of August, I got a promotion. So now, I am the Director of the Mayco Bigelow Center at North Park. This is a blessing to us for many reasons, but most of all, because I know that you will have countless positive experiences here that will define your childhood. The transition into this new position is evidence that God is working on our behalf and making all things work together for our good.

Keep in mind that these are only highlights. I sifted through a couple thousand photos and narrowed it down to these. Seriously. I know I take a lot of pictures, OK. Although summer is ending, I look forward to the sweet smells, colors and scenic views that will be the backdrop of our fall celebrations.

I love making these memories with you.

I love you, Babycakes.

– Summer Lovin’ Mommy

 

NOLA Bay-Beh!!

I’m my best New Orleans accent, “Hey Bay Beh!!” 🤣 I was asked, “If you could describe your experience in NOLA in one word, what would it be?” My answer: colorful. I seriously felt like I was on a Caribbean island… but in the states. Everything was so colorful- the homes, the food, the sounds, the people… and I don’t just mean their skin tones; I mean their personalities too. There was art everywhere, and it was beautiful. 😍

Auntie Portia took me ALL around the city. I didn’t realize the fascinating history of New Orleans, but now I understand why people love it so much. To be feet away from the waters where slave ships were brought in, walking the same paths where those slaves were led to be auctioned, cruising through the neighborhoods where blacks were once unaccepted and witnessing the legacy of the artists communities was an incredible experience. Portia did an amazing job making sure that I really experienced NOLA. So, in honor of her, here are my top FIVE 😉 favorite things about my trip:

1. Quality Sister Time

One thing that AKA gave me was some lifetime powerhouse sister-friends, and for that I am so thankful. During my trip, I was able to spend time with Auntie Portia, of course, and Francinia. They took me to some of their favorite spots in the city.

– Zea’s

⁃ Sno-LA

⁃ Messina’s

2. The Food

Omg.. I ate so much good food, and I’m not mad about it! I ate seafood every chance I got because… New Orleans! Also, everyone talks about beignets, so I HAD to try those. They were cool, but to me, it was just like a funnel cake… only a different shape. I even tried a couple of the “local” drinks like the French 75. I think my favorite dish was from Zeas- crab cakes served on top of plantains. It was a total surprise to my tastebuds to mix those taste, yet it was perfection. (Note: I meant to take a photo of this, but the way my hunger was set up, my mouth got to the dish before my camera did 🤷🏽‍♀️) Oh! Also, the Southwest tacos as La Areña have changed my life forever.

3. The art.

The moment you deplane, you notice the art. There are murals all around the city. The sounds of music permeate the streets all day long. We even got to hear a few live bands.

There are museums everywhere! There are literally one-room museums with cultural artifacts on every other block. That’s so dope to me… not only because I see the passion to preserve the area’s rich history but because the importance of entrepreneurship is so evident in this space. Which brings me to Studio BE…

I’ve seen Portia post photos of Studio BE on her social media, but I didn’t quite realize how captivating this place would be. The artist, Brandan Odums, has transformed this warehouse into a gallery showcasing his artwork… and though artwork is the appropriate word to use, what you find here is so much more than portraits. You find political statements. You find activism and demand for social justice. You find reflection… and encouragement… and inspiration.

The pictures just don’t do it justice. I can’t wait to put up his artwork at home as a reminder of who we (as a people) are, where we’ve been and where we have the power to go.

4. Lemonade Saturdays

So apparently in the spring, every Saturday is known as “Lemonade Saturday”. During this weekly ritual, kids set up lemonade stands on the corner, and adults ride around buying lemonade from them. This teaches the kids about business and entrepreneurship, and it also serves as an opportunity to uplift the youth. How dope is that? You know, we could start something like this in Alamance County. Are you down?? 👀

5. Fellowship

In the hustle and bustle of life, we must remember to slow it down and chill from time to time. If you don’t, you’ll go crazy! I spent the weekend with a few of Auntie Portia’s friends. Good people! I believe that taking time to cultivate your existing relationships, while also connecting with new folks, truly reminds us that we’re all connected.

When you get older, I hope you make it a priority to spend quality time with the good people in your life and to see the world. There is so much to experience!!

I love you,

-Traveler Mommy

PS. Southwest Airlines (and their open seating) is very interesting. Not good or bad, just different. The flight was comfortable.

PSS. I met an Mbaku look alike. Pretty cool. Lol #WakandaForever 🙅🏾‍♀️

Untitled.

I snapped this picture at bedtime last week. It may seem uninteresting to most, but for me, I love the authenticity of it. The first thing I notice is the Pinterest-inspired paint project I did a couple of years ago. Although it’s imperfect, I was excited to do it just for you. I see you reading your book of Bible stories… because I’m reading. You truly do mimic everything I do (so I have to be careful). I see the mismatched sheets on the bed and the pad underneath you- the woes of changing/washing sheets multiple times a week because of nighttime accidents. I see myself laying in the other twin-sized bed across from you… in your bedroom… the place I’ve grown accustomed to while we figure out this whole sleep-in-your-own-bed-in-your-own-room thing. I see the sacrifices of a mother. I see the boldness of a child. I see the realities of life. I see peace and serenity. I see our home. I see love. 💞

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#letterstoGrey

Happy Easter!

#tbt Blog Entry from Easter 2017:

I am still figuring out how I want you to understand certain holidays. We didn’t do an Easter basket this year. We may not ever do one, and right now, I’m ok with that. I want you to understand every perspective. I want you to know that we especially observe the cruxifiction and resurrection of Jesus Christ during this season. I want you to understand the significance of what He did for us. On the other hand, I don’t want you to miss out on all the childhood traditions that include bunny rabbits, dyeing eggs and hunting for them. I just don’t want to get caught up in all the commercialism surrounding it. This year, we kept it simple. We participated in the Glow in the Dark Easter Egg Hunt at The Mayco Bigelow Community Center at North Park. Your grandparents joined us too! It was so entertaining to see those hundred or so kids run out onto the court to grab those eggs. We’ll definitely be doing that again. Easter Sunday was spent with your dad and his family. Although I miss you on the weekends you’re gone, it’s important to me that they have those memories with you too.

I’ll be sure to add photos from this year after all the festivities.

We had a fun-filled weekend before you headed off to Charlotte with your dad. We participated in the annual Glow-in-the-Dark Egg Hunt. Then we met up with friends at the City of Burlington’s Easter Celebration at City Park. What great fun!!

I just HAD to add this cute little picture of you on your first Easter in 2014. Although cute, you got hot quickly in this dress. Also, we never made it to church that day. #Iwasanewmom #shrugs

I love you,

Little Bunny Foo Foo Mommy 🙂

Adventures in Iowa

Our bodies are recovering from the weekend. We had a great time visiting Aunt Kitnequa and her family in Davenport, IA. You were so excited to ride on a plane again!

It was super cool that were able to be there on this particular weekend. As you know, Aunt Kitnequa founded an organization called Testimonies of Hope several years ago. The purpose of this organization is to spread the message of hope and healing through the arts. TOH hosted an open mic night at Theo’s Coffee Shop on Friday, and we met so many talented folks who had their courage to share their stories with the audience. I even got to sing!

On Saturday, we visited Argrow’s House! This home was named in honor of your maternal great grandmother, Argrow Warren, who experienced domestic violence in her marriage. Argrow’s House is a safe space for women who have had similar experiences and are trying to find healing. They offer weekly services like bible study, sewing classes and yoga for women. It’s also a business in that women have an opportunity make natural bath and body products to sell. All profits go back into Argrow’s House to provide services for the women. Your favorite was the pink bath bomb. According to you, “Aunt Kitnequa is a bath bomb doctor”.

I admit, it was a little… interesting… having three kids under the age of five in one house for several days, but it produced some of the sweetest moments. 💜

Until our next adventure!

Love,

Traveler Mommy

Gentle Reminder.

Honest moment: Some nights/mornings are really rough. No matter how adorable, intelligent, or well-mannered your kids are, parenting is work… and single parenting calls for a double dose of grace and mercy! For example, this morning consisted of a 5:00am breathing treatment (oh, asthma 😩).

These are the moments that no one tells you about. These are the moments you feel helpless.

Just when I started to get in my feelings, I was reminded that God will never leave me. If I focus on Him, He’ll tell me what to do. I have been graced to do everything I need to do in this life. And as He calls me to do more, He will equip me. The same goes for you. Remember that.

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#letterstoGrey #gentlereminder